O MUNDO INVISÍVEL DE UMA MULHER - Página 7

Deixamos de lado o site de relacionamentos e passamos a nos comunicar pelo Messenger, e por telefone. Costumava me ligar de madrugada sem conseguir dormir, pois o dia dos exames de acompanhamento da sua doença estava se aproximando e isso o aterrorizava. Eu tentava de tudo tirar forças de não sei onde, mas sempre tinha uma palavra para encorajá-lo.  Além da doença estava passando por problemas financeiros, pois sendo perseguido por partidos políticos, dizia ter uma reportagem bombástica que iria ser publicada em junho de 2014, com provas, enfim como resultado da perseguição teve sua conta bancária bloqueada. Precisava de ajuda, passei a ajuda-lo financeiramente, mas sempre com a promessa que assim que a conta desbloqueasse devolveria, pois o seu advogado já o havia informado que tudo estava correndo ao seu favor.

Um dia, chegando do trabalho, liguei o computador e entrei em minha conta no Facebook, e lá estava, seu filho, havia se acidentado, postou a foto do rapaz, onde dizia: "Quando soube da notícia que meu filho havia se acidentado com o fuzil do quartel, fiquei doido, meu mundo despencava. Só quem tem filhos, sabe e sente o que estou falando.Todo mundo, por diversas vezes na vida, passa por sufoco. Num dia é uma dor de cabeça daquelas, no outro um mal estar danado, estômago embrulhado, ardendo em brasa... Dor nas pernas, nas costas, nos braços, em tudo que é parte...e do pobre ser... E as dores na alma, então? Não há quem nunca tenha enfrentado crises existenciais, dúvidas, decepções, raiva, tristeza, angústia... Enfim, basta ser humano para fatalmente sentir essas coisas, uma hora ou outra.

Mas com os nossos filhos, surtamos! Meu filho sofreu um corte abaixo do olho, por conta de um coice do fuzil 762, quando atirava no estande de tiro. Resultado, levou oito pontos, e ficará de molho... Deus sempre cuida dos seus escolhidos..."

Eu mais uma vez com o coração apertado, pela dor sentida por ele, fiz um depósito em sua conta para as despesas do hospital, pois comentou que o exército não moveu um dedo para socorrer o seu filho. Apenas um curativo mais nada. Lembro que a mulherada ficou desesperada, outra coisa que me intrigava, a maioria dos comentários eram de mulheres, parecia ter poucos amigos, como estava tudo travado, eu não tinha como ver.

Dois meses depois, sempre precisando de ajuda, conseguiu um emprego aqui na Bahia, precisamente em Salvador, perguntou se eu podia hospeda-lo, tinha uma reunião com o pessoal da TV Bahia, pois já havia feito favores para o nosso governador Antônio Carlos Magalhães e o seu neto hoje prefeito da cidade e dono da emissora de TV o iria ajudar,  tudo seria muito rápido e logo voltaria para o Rio apara arrumar as coisas, conforme o resultado da reunião. Passagens de avião, tudo bancado por mim, logo ele estaria devolvendo a ajuda, pois os planos dele estavam dando certo.

Comecei a achar tudo muito estranho, e uma voz dentro da minha cabeça ia me dando comandos, achei que dessa eu não passava, eu iria enlouquecer... mas  quando a dor é muito forte, e a solidão uma constante, parece que você se desliga do mundo, passa a olhar pra dentro de você, e é nesse momento que Deus se aproxima, não quero dizer que é só na dor que Ele está,  talvez nós nos aproximamos mais dele, nestes momentos. E isso é apenas o inicio da minha história com Deus.

Algo me disse, procura, você vai descobrir... e assim de repente eu fui no blog, copiava e colava no Google mandando pesquisar, e veja o que encontro, os textos, todos, inclusive o que falava da sua doença assinado por outra pessoa, se não me engano o problema da pessoa era no pulmão... a minha ficha caiu. 

Mas ainda guiada por Deus comecei a fazer mais, lembrei de ver o médico oncologista dele, um tal de Fernando... hummm deve estar no face, vou atrás, e fui, havia um Fernando, cliquei no nome e vi que tínhamos um amigo em comum (risos) na época eu deveria ter uns duzentos amigos, a maioria americanos, gosto de jogar e precisava ganhar presentes ( não pago por eles ). De repente eu já estava com seiscentos e poucos, todos dele, com calma fui pedindo amizade, e aí uma bomba (risos), vejo uma postagem dele: 

Os usuários das redes sociais devem estar atentos às falsas identidades presentes no mundo virtual. Os perfis falsos, também conhecidos como 'fakes', estão por toda rede. Eles podem ser criados por quem está interessado em fazer sucesso nas redes sociais na pele de alguém que não existe, criando um personagem virtual, ou pode ser usado por quem está interessado em prejudicar alguém. Falando judicialmente, fazer um perfil com dados e/ou imagens de uma outra pessoa (famosa ou não) e se passar por ela (nem que seja de brincadeira) pode se enquadrar no artigo 307 do código penal. Mesmo usando foto tirada do Google e usando outros dados, também pode se encrencar pois é considerado violação de direito de imagem. O perfil fake também pode ser excluído da rede social. Nesse caso é preciso que outros usuários também denunciem a página. Quando isso acontece, o proprietário da conta não consegue efetuar o login até que ele prove que sua página na rede social é verdadeira. O perfil vai continuar disponível para visualização na rede social, mas o dono do falso perfil terá o login bloqueado. Tenho sido vítima deste tipo de situação e percebi que existe um perfil fake, adicionando amigos meus em comum e todos têm aceitado. Tomem cuidado, pois não sei de quem se trata e não serei responsável pelas atitudes de outras pessoas. Vi que este perfil adicionou 45 amigos meus... Fica a dica !

Isso foi apenas o início (risos), a ficha agora caiu de vez, junto com o orelhão (hoje já nem existe mais) , fui roubada... pelo Messenger tivemos uma conversa a respeito. Aquilo que você postou foi pra mim? Perguntei, E ele respondeu algo do tipo, não, você sabe que sofro perseguições etc.etc.etc ...

Não pense que tive raiva, não, não tive, apenas vontade de desaparecer... a amiga depressão se sentindo vencedora, cada dia se aproximava mais e ganhava mais espaço, vi que precisava de ajuda e fui buscar. 

Página 7 

Quando comecei a me amar de verdade

Quando eu comecei a me amar de verdade eu descobri que a angústia e o sofrimento emocional são apenas sinais de que eu não estava vivendo a minha própria verdade. Hoje eu sei, isso é “AUTENTICIDADE”.

Quando eu comecei a me amar de verdade eu entendi o quando eu posso ofender alguém conforme eu tento forçar os meus desejos sobre essa pessoa, mesmo eu sabendo que o tempo não era certo e a pessoa não estava pronta, mesmo essa pessoa sendo eu mesmo. Hoje eu chamo isso de “RESPEITO”.

Quando eu comecei a me amar de verdade eu parei de suplicar por uma vida diferente, e eu pude ver que tudo o que me cercava me convidava a crescer. Hoje eu chamo isso de “MATURIDADE”.

Quando eu comecei a me amar de verdade eu entendi que em qualquer circunstância, eu estou no lugar certo e no tempo certo, e que tudo acontece ao momento exatamente certo. Então eu poderia ficar calmo. Hoje eu chamo isso de “AUTOCONFIANÇA”.

Quando eu comecei a me amar de verdade eu parei de roubar meu próprio tempo, e eu parei de engenhar grandes projetos para o futuro. Hoje, eu apenas faço o que me trás alegria e felicidade, coisas que eu amo fazer e que fazem o meu coração se alegrar, e eu as faço da minha própria maneira e em meu próprio ritmo. Hoje eu chamo isso de “SIMPLICIDADE”.

Quando eu comecei a me amar de verdade eu me libertei de qualquer coisa que não fosse boa para a minha saúde – comida, pessoas, coisas, situações, e tudo o que me removia e afastava de mim mesmo. Primeiro eu chamei essa atitude de egoísmo saudável. Hoje eu conheço como “AMAR A SI MESMO”.

Quando eu comecei a me amar de verdade eu desisti de tentar estar sempre certo, e desde então eu estive errado um número menor de vezes. Hoje eu descobri que isso é “MODÉSTIA”.

Quando eu comecei a me amar de verdade eu me recusei a continuar a viver no passado e me preocupar com o futuro. Agora, eu apenas vivo no momento presente, onde TUDO está acontecendo. Hoje eu vivo cada dia, dia a dia, e eu chamo isso de “REALIZAÇÃO”.

Quando eu comecei a me amar de verdade eu reconheci que a minha mente pode me perturbar e que ela pode me adoecer. Mas conforme eu me conectei ao meu coração, a minha mente se tornou uma aliada valiosa. Hoje eu chamo essa conexão de “SABEDORIA DO CORAÇÃO”.

Nós não precisamos mais temer argumentos, confrontos ou qualquer tipo de problemas conosco ou com os outros. Mesmo estrelas colidem, e desse choque novos mundos nascem. Hoje eu sei que ISSO É “VIDA”

Charlie Chaplin (ou Kim McMillen)

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I still had a great concern, my old friend back, had plenty of room for her now, and so It happened. For fear of the pain could lead me to do, I called someone and ask her to take all the medicine boxes from my house, mostly sedatives, I knew I could not be keeping It.

I sleep only one hour a night, waking at dawn and walking through the house, the space is so small, walking in circles.

I did everything I could to ward off the pain until the month of August, I worked for every day of the week, six in the morning was already in the office, It lasted one year and eleven months. I had to keep my head busy and buried myself in my work.

The only thing I wanted was to leave also, I had nothing else to do here. My Father, how It hurts... How can  the chest that I leaned my head an hour for another disappears? we were one... I remember when he talked with friends about me, so proudly. How I respect his individuality, as encouraged to buy the junk as it used to speak, things he liked to do, crazy about computers, animals, airplanes and photography, I did not deny effort to make his wills ...He was my boy .

With shame, I will tell a story, as He reveled in my way ... He thought that I was unique because He had never met a woman like me ... (laughs). We were at the mall ( I hate, and he too) suddenly my sandal broke, the sole took off and I was not able to walk, then he turned to me and said, Benhê, let's enjoy that we're here, go into a shoe store and buy a new sandal, you are needing, in response, pointed the finger back him, we were in front of Bom Preço (supermarket) and said, let's go in here, He smiled wondering why I said, we purchase a Super Bond and glue It ... Wow! How this man laughed at my face ... He told  this to everyone.

Here begins my journey without him, ah! I can not forget my old friend, depression. We were joined again.

As I said, working all the days for almost 12 hours, I thought that I could reduce distress, but the desire to be nowhere only increased, could no longer pray, for what? That's what more I did during the last five months and nothing worked ...

Six, seven months after,  reading my emails, I saw one that caught my attention, someone of the same site of relationships where I met my husband, was sending a message, I went to my account to check, It did not need the password, as page was opened through a link addressed to me, as if It were the case ... I no longer have.

I see the message, and there was written that a person had liked my profile. Curious went to see who this person was, and He was on line, I heard a little noise and a message arrived: Perfect ... Loved it! I said... Thanks.

The conversation was initiated this point. The person introduced himself:

I'm forty-nine years old, I'm carioca, born in Tijuca, divorced nine years ago, a child of eighteen years old, who lives with his mother, I am a resident of Ipanema, professional journalist and editor of a TV station, surfer in my spare time, a man who seeks and believes in love and every month spend at least a week in your beautiful land, his mother was baiana. He continued his presentation: In 2010 I was diagnosed with a lymphoma Myeloid type F (Cancer), went through chemotherapy and radiotherapy and almost lost my life, I was released in June 2013, I am alone since 2010 and today only want someone to love , and enjoy a new lease of life I'm having.

I was shocked, I had gone through all this and I was overcome by compassion, we chatted for a while, from time to time it wanted to be hot, but I avoided and therefore just ended our conversation.

In the second message sent, asked if I had Facebook and we exchanged our addresses, so it already had access to all my life, family, friends, photos, ultimately, our lives are biographee in the face. His somewhat locked, this caught my attention, but I thought It was peeve I was always expecting the worst through what I went through. We had also exchanged our contact numbers, and every day I received at least one call. Time passed and in a certain way, it was good, I was not so alone. 

I talked with my mom about it, and she said with all the purity, it helps my daughter ... do not walk away ... not think it was unique because the whole world wondered, you're crazy, just to go through all this and will bring problem for you?

He used to send beautiful messages, signing as the author.

Had a blog created since April 2009, where he posted his criticism, ideas, self help texts and beautiful poems, speaking of love and God as anyone.

Also had an account on Youtube, with videos of reports made by him, all very well done, impossible for a human being not believe his conversation.

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Eu ainda tinha uma grande preocupação, a minha velha amiga voltar, tinha espaço de sobra agora pra ela, e assim aconteceu. Com receio do que a dor poderia me levar a fazer, chamei uma pessoa e pedir que tirasse todas as caixas de remédios da minha casa, principalmente os sedativos, eu sabia que eu não tinha como ficar guardando aquilo.

Passei a dormir apenas uma hora por noite, acordando de madrugada e caminhando pela casa, o espaço é tão pequeno, caminhava em círculos.

Fiz tudo o que eu podia para afastar a dor, até o mês de agosto trabalhei durante todos os dias da semana, seis horas da manhã já estava no escritório, isso durou um ano e onze meses. Precisava manter a minha cabeça ocupada e me enterrei no meu trabalho.

A única coisa que eu queria, era ir embora também, eu não tinha mais nada pra fazer aqui. Meu Pai, como dói... Como de uma hora pra outra aquele peito que eu encostava a minha cabeça desaparece? nós éramos um... 
Lembro quando ele falava com os amigos sobre mim, com tanto orgulho. De como eu respeitava sua individualidade, como o incentivava a comprar as porcarias como costumava falar, coisas que ele gostava de fazer, louco por informática, animais, aviões e fotografia, eu não negava esforço para realizar suas vontades... Era o meu menino.

Com vergonha, vou contar uma história, como ele se divertia com o meu jeito... Achava que eu era única, pois nunca havia encontrado uma mulher como eu... (risos). Estávamos no shopping (odeio, e ele também) de repente a minha sandália quebrou, o solado descolou e eu não estava conseguindo andar, daí ele virou pra mim e disse: Benhê, vamos aproveitar que estamos aqui, entrar em uma sapataria e comprar uma sandália nova, você está precisando, como resposta, apontei o dedo para trás dele, estávamos na frente do Bom Preço (supermercado) e disse, vamos entrar aqui, ele sorriu perguntando por que, respondi, a gente compra um Super Bond e cola ela... Nossa! Como esse homem riu da minha cara... Ele contava isso pra todo mundo.

Aqui começa a minha jornada sem ele, ah! Não posso esquecer a minha velha amiga, depressão. Estávamos unidas mais uma vez.

Como disse, trabalhando durante todos os dias com jornadas de quase 12 horas, achava que podia diminuir a angústia, mas a vontade de não estar em lugar nenhum só aumentava, já não conseguia rezar, pra que? Foi o que mais fiz durante os últimos cinco meses e nada adiantou...

Seis, sete meses depois lendo os meus emails, vi um que me chamou atenção, alguém do mesmo site de relacionamentos onde conheci meu marido, havia mandando alguma mensagem, fui até a minha conta dar uma olhada, não precisei da senha, já que a página foi aberta através de um link endereçado a mim, pois se fosse o caso... eu não mais a teria.

Fui ver a mensagem, e lá estava escrito que uma pessoa havia gostado do meu perfil. Curiosa entrei para ver quem era essa pessoa, e ela estava online, ouvi um barulhinho e uma mensagem chegou: Perfeita... Adorei! Respondi agradecendo. 
A conversa foi iniciada deste ponto. A pessoa se apresentou: 
Tenho 49 anos, sou carioca da gema, nascido na Tijuca, divorciado há 9 anos, um filho de 18 anos, que mora com a mãe, sou morador de Ipanema, Jornalista Profissional e editor de uma emissora de TV, surfista nas horas vagas, um homem que busca e acredita no amor e todo mês passo pelo menos uma semana na sua maravilhosa terra, a mãe dele era baiana. E continuou sua apresentação: Em 2010 fui diagnosticado com um Linfoma Mieloide tipo F(Câncer), passei por tratamento quimioterápico e radioterapia e quase perdi minha vida, tive alta em junho de 2013, estou sozinho desde de 2010 e hoje quero somente alguém para amar, e aproveitar a nova chance de vida que estou tendo.

Fiquei chocada, eu havia passado por tudo isso e fui tomada por uma compaixão, conversamos durante algum tempo, de vez em quando o assunto queria ficar picante, mas eu evitava e por esse motivo acabei encerrado a nossa conversa.
Na segunda mensagem enviada, perguntou se eu tinha Facebook e trocamos nossos endereços, logo ele já tinha acesso a toda a minha vida, família, amigos, fotos, enfim, nossa vida está biografada no face. A dele um pouco travada, aquilo me chamou a atenção, mas achei que era implicância que eu estava esperando sempre o pior mediante tudo o que vivi. Havíamos trocado também nossos números de contato, e todos os dias eu recebia pelo menos uma ligação. O tempo foi passando e de uma certa forma, ele me fazia bem, eu já não estava tão só. Conversei com a minha mãe a respeito, e ela disse com toda a pureza, ajude ele minha filha... não dê as costas não... acho que foi a única, pois o resto do mundo me perguntava, você é louca, acabou de passar por tudo isso e vai trazer problema pra você? 
Costumava mandar mensagens lindas, assinando como o autor. 
Tinha um blog criado desde abril de 2009, onde postava suas críticas, ideias, textos de auto ajuda e lindos poemas, sabia falar de amor e de Deus como ninguém.
Também tinha uma conta no Youtube, com vídeos de reportagens feitas por ele, tudo muito bem feito, impossível um ser humano não acreditar na sua conversa.

Página 6

The Invisible World of Women - Page 5

I tried to do everything the way he had asked me, I tried not to, I did, without taking a point, I remember that I was worried, not wanting to hurt the family, here I refer to his brothers who live in São Paulo. He was cremated and the ashes I took to be close to my father, another wish remarked to me when we went to the cemetery on Memorial Day in Feira de Santana, I want to be buried here, this is where I was happy, today I feel more Bahia to São Paulo.

It took me a while to make that decision, the white box was kept here with me for a long time, just like your toothbrush, your clothes, it gave me the false sense that he was still part of my life, just made a trip and I was waiting his return.

His sister got some more time with me, wanted to settle the things I could not do, nor will. Today I think I do not know what I'd do without her.

But everyone had to pick up their lives and found myself alone.

Actually, me and the boys, Frederico and Ben-hur. I wonder how much reluctant to the idea of ​​having both of them, I think today, how would be my life without them, do not know why we can not see how God is perfect, as He prepares everything.

When I lived in Feira de Santana, I had a Pinscher, her name was Hanna, very attached to me, and these my comings and goings, I was here in Salvador when my mother calls Edu, asking him to prepare me, and that one way to make me know that Hanna had died, I saw him in agony, full of fingers to talk to me and then I suspected, I cried a lot, and he also showed great sadness, crazy about animals. We lived in a flat and had purchased a hamster, Alfredo, today is the name of my car ... (laughs).

We rented an apartment in the same neighborhood, as it was a little bigger and Alfredo was no longer among us ( we did his burial solemnly) one day when he was to pick me up at the bus station, took me first to a place and wanted to make me a surprise introduced me to Frederico, Yorkshire with three months old, I did not agree, for I remembered Hanna and did not want to reason in life to make me sad, do not know what happened, but I could not come home without Frederico.

One day we took Frederico to shower, It was the creator who took care of him for us, in the middle of thirty dogs, Edu hit the eye in one and fell in love, but It was already sold, just waiting for the new owner to pick him. But Edu did not accept no for an answer. He called every day to see the Ben-hur, insisting purchase it, twenty days later, the creator found that the new home of our future child would be a farm, giving up the sale called us and gave ... he jumped of joy, I still reluctant, but he argued saying ... benhê, who has one has no ... after Ben-hur I were the one who told him, it is but you did not tell me who has two has ... thousand ... our youngest was not worth much weighed ...

And the Benh-hur who wiped and wipes my tears today. I try to hide, I lock myself in the room, put the pillow on my face and not so useless, he starts calling me from his room while I did not get caught in her lap to lick my face, I do not stop. A veterinarian this week told me that she was impressed with the connection that Ben-hur has with me, and all I feel he feels well and he is sicking ... I promised to myself to change.

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Increasing the pain, we ask to the doctor help, he needed to rest and I also. We went together to the hospital, the doctor wanted to see him, we talked, and explained what was going on and the doctor gave us a prescription for a sedative ... Crying told you it would not do, I already know the reactions will only leave him more agitated . He replied that he had surgery with the use of that drug. Without more like arguing, after all he was the doctor, we at the pharmacy, buy and went home. As always respecting the schedules waited for the right time to give it, as I predicted, it did not work, and to be honest worsened my situation as it really became more agitated.

I by now powerless, tonight hired someone to help me, because he feared faint, my exhausted body no longer take it anymore. And another night spent awake, I tried to hide, put a pillow under the table and lay down while the girl kept company and talked with him, he asked and called for me. I tearfully leaves which hid hugged him and said, I'm here. I see his eyes now shining when he saw me. The scene repeats itself in my memory.

The dawning day and the pain worse, on this day the pain was in his chest, exactly where was the chemotherapy unit. He screamed, I panicked unable to call the doctor, I ended up getting desperate and he told me to take him to the hospital immediately. I called a taxi, I did not run, he could no longer walk, aggressive, the drug effect, we enter the first aid and took him straight to the ICU, I waited sitting in the garden. Hours after a doctor left the room and told me: we did everything we could, now It in the hands of God . I remember I called my sister and the only thing I could say was, he's dying ...

Hours passed, He began to react, sometimes I got up and went to the door, with the entrances and exits of doctors, looked like a scene from a movie I saw when they tried to resuscitate him with shock.

Eternity knocked on my door at that moment, I did not know the real meaning of that word.

He reacted, but when they came up the machines accompanied him, he just changed his room. Admitted to the Cardiology ICU staying there twenty-something days, it was when his sister, brother in law and my sister came to stay with me.

I did not know what day it was the week, the month, even in a dream, I could throw my body.

The scheduling of the visits were monitored and I felt a great sadness to leave him, and at the same time relief because I no longer bear to our suffering ... Yes, do not doubt literally die together.

One day at the end of our visit, the chief medical officer on duty called me and said You would have to take a decision, would have to choose one of the two procedures, since it would leave no longer there. Tracheostomy or Intubation, the ground disappeared beneath my feet, did not know what to do, I called my sister and my sister in law and I went behind his doctor when I entered the room, he was already waiting for me and knew what was happening, asked us what we had solved ... I was changing, and his sister said, Rosinha who have to decide (that's what she calls me), she is his wife. We can not throw that weight on her back, the doctor said and continued, she did not have to decide anything, but as it is she who most know him here, she'll tell me what was his will. And the image came to me, when we were going to the office, he no longer spoke of being buried in the tomb of my family, with watery eyes, he said, do not let me depending on machines to live and finally, I'm afraid of being buried alive, benhê can I ask you one more thing? Must be expensive, but if I die, do You  crema me? I returned from my memories, and the decision was already made, silk it and wait for the moment in an act of desperation asked, Doctor but God can still make a miracle can not? He said, yes, we do nothing else we can do, but he can do anything.

24 September 2013, I no longer had the strength, stand no longer see it that way, even sedated talked to him, tears falling giving me sure he heard me while I was saying, benhê, our story is not over, and does not end here.

This day went down, took a coffee in the machine and sat on the floor in front of the ready hospital rescue, lit a cigarette and there began my conversation with God, which questioned his love, does he not see the suffering of this child that he loved so much? If saw and loved him for leaving it that way, it was because of me and because of my requests, I was giving up, loudly I said, enough, can lead ...

On the 25th we arrived earlier to visit but did not, already awaited me medical, psychologist, took me to a room and told me the time of death and how it happened. I did not hear a word, just remembered the day before the fact, of our conversation, yes, me and God, I thought, was a monologue, but He heard me ...

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In April of that year, we had just finished lunch together, as I said earlier, we do not apart for nothing, I went back to work, which by the way was a journey of almost 12 hours, stopping 15, 20 minutes to lunch, and he was in the playground talking and smoking, It was the relaxation moment.of him

Later, when he came back, needing help, it was this time he was feeling what I felt.

My heart sank something is wrong ... very wrong, I thought. I told him to consult the same doctor on duty who took care of me, at the Evangelical Hospital. And so He did, regular consultation, the same examinations, echocardiography, and all done in the hospital, but returned with the results, analyzing the blood, the doctor asked others, including an X-ray of the lung, something told me It was in a hurry I needed to run.

In the X-ray showed a spot on the lung on the right and sent us to look for a pulmonologist, and hell broke loose ... After CT scans and biopsies detected the cancer, but the cell presented was not one from lung cell, and where was this tumor? In the brain it had 18 metastasis and according to the oncologist, the spot shown in lung radiograph was also a metastasis.

It's so hard to talk about it ... I always have to stop ...

We spent a long time in hospital, metastases in the brain had already reached their movements and pressure thereof should be controlled with medication. Several tests were done, how far they had spread? During this period we had the company of family, of me, my sister, from him against his will his son, after some events understood why, but I will not and I will not even go into detail, for the love of a person who I would never hurt with my words or revelations.

We spent happy times in that room, oddly enough, we needed to keep our faith and our hope, smiling, that was the only way I found to keep these two burning flames. There we found Mr. Raimundo, soon made friends. Whenever I arrived had to give a kiss on his forehead, then I was going to kiss my life.

My sister and I, we both took care of them, they needed help to go to the bathroom, take the silverware packaging ... Our room was the most visited and often the nurses arrived at the door to tell us that we would be forced to ask us out, such hubbub ... (laughs).

He did not know everything that was going on inside him, I hid some information. Crazy to come home until the doctor gave high, Mr. Raimundo had left, a couple of days before.

I could not go seeking it, was in office, the matured and I needed to take care accounts of these details, my biggest concern was to pay the health plan, with him we were facing so many problems, imagine without it, and make the deposit in the account his ex-wife, he helped, from time to time arrived emails asking not to forget because the car payment was to win the separation it was complicated, litigious, arrived here in Salvador with thirty reais in the pocket, yet he never failed to help the family, but God put a wonderful person in his way, and I know that he loved her too much, we talk about it later.

Returning to the subject, when my sister called, asking me to go home, his son delivered to dad, the medical report in the hospital door, was on this day that he learned in fact what was happening, the whole truth, did not understand what happened, why such cruelty. I ran and grabbed a taxi, he was holding on the walls to lean on who opened the door for me, his eyes filled with tears, said to me, did you know? I hugged him and I said yes ... I knew, and once again another question, as you were putting up with all this? Looking into his eyes without seeing, I also cried, I said ... FAITH.

And speaking of faith remembered when he came out of the operating room on the day of biopsy, he told me very moved that he was the lap of Jesus stained, and that day 60 years of life he was doing, he had been the day happiest of his life, and that I do not understand however hard he tried to explain to me. This created a tremendous mess, I believed that he lived what he told me and the son said it was the influence of drugs taking me to question the doctor, I wanted answers, and confirm my certainty. He had not taken any drugs, anesthesia for the procedure was spot on, and the doctor also added that he could not speak for everyone, but he had no doubt that everything happened just as he had told me.

I did everything to convince him to treat in São Paulo, there could have more resources, who know a miracle ... but he was radical, he crying spoke ... No, please, do not let anyone take me away from you ... Without you I die.

Now we had only two of us, and we needed to start the treatment of chemotherapy and radiotherapy, radiotherapy did about three sections, waited for the health plan to release the drug of chemotherapy. Had already been made surgery to implant a catheter, a special tube that is inserted into a larger vein to facilitate chemotherapy, avoiding repeated punctures to get hit a vein. We made only one section.

At home, with rigid schedules for taking the drugs it was difficult, I had to continue the work in the office, the world has not stopped ... No? I thought it was, but did not stop. I woke up at four in the morning to be there at most six, before noon had to return to prepare lunch, and even if I had someone to help me, he would not eat, waiting for me. And things were getting complicated, each day was worse for us. He could not eat, drink water, sleep, felt a lot of pain twenty-four hours in a day, I called me ... benhê ... that word sounded in my ears for quite some time later.

Twenty-three days without being able to sleep, very anxious, with the movements of the arms and legs compromised, I feared let it happen and only one incident worsened our situation.

Pain increases as I describe what I experienced. A feature film with detailed scenes is what I see now, it hurts, I end up jumping details to get worse and not give up ... I need to continue.

So, no sleep, no food I was dying with him, but I did not lose the faith, thought was worthy of a miracle, after all for almost eight years to give up a woman for love, it was my life. As a story that, could end like this?