Sometimes I have a strong feeling that my time here is running out.
The only thing in the world that fills my eyes today is the love, I no longer see grace in anything else, and for this love I suffer ...
I remember the day I sat on the floor, I held a glass of coffee in one hand and the other a cigarette in front of the emergency room of the hospital that Eduardo was hospitalized and asked God, where is his love that so many preach, his son is there suffering, I was screaming, are you holding him here because of me? can take him, because I can not take so much suffering, it happened on Tuesday and Wednesday morning when I went to visit him, he was not anymore ... countless times this scene goes through my head.
Today, with what is happening with Frederico, I ask God to pass on what he feels for me, or to take him, I have no more strength to live this situation. I can not feed myself, sleep ... and life does not stop or I can not stop.
Monday I arrived home with Benhur, because he has gone to the office with me, the sadness in his eyes is great, I was so tired, I took care of him, I took a shower and unable to eat I lay, I felt my body tremble, I think I fainted, I woke up at 9:30 with the cell phone ringing ... and then I saw the sun rise ...
Yesterday with Frederico at home, more pain and suffering, and one more night unable to sleep ... I left a person with him and here I am, I affirm, I can not stop ... I need to see what to do, it's a fact, I do not I can take more.
I am sure that my body is my cross ....
Many preach that Jesus as a lamb took all the sins of the world ... This is not true ... He came to tell us through all his suffering, I endured and I won, you will also win. So it is, so it will be ...
I need to continue ... In the certainty that I am not of this world, I do not give up God, I have made my choice, and here I ask, increase my faith Father and do your will in my life!
The smile continues on my face ... mixed with tears ... I repeat: I am what I feel!
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