Hear "no" is part of life. After all, things do not always go as we would like. But there are those who uphold this fact a good, while others simply can not handle it.
"The acceptance has to do with how the person was created. If from small reached everything that wanted without going through major frustrations and without heed the 'no' necessary, the person grows waiting for the world to tell you 'yes' . it gets very disappointed if there is the opposite, "says Marina Vasconcellos psychologist, family therapist and couple the Federal University of São Paulo (Unifesp).
When parents do not set limits, the lowest grows with his/her distorted perception of self and others. Will always be concerned about their interests and desires, without seeing how it affects the environment. The tendency will be to relate to individuals who submit to his /her personality, as well as educators did.
"And in relationships, will have difficulties by the inability to empathize, that is, put yourself in the other and achieve what their role and the relevant boundaries in a relationship," adds Miriam Barros psychologist, a specialist in family therapy, psychodrama and coaching. In other words, there is a great influence of permissive parents and protectors who gave everything easily to the child, not putting limits needed on many occasions.
sign of immaturity
The opposite is also true, though more rare: those who received many negative childhood can grow wanting to try only "yes" for the shake of the head from one side to the other brings bad memories of the past. This is the case of parents that other children stunted in situations where it would be imperative to act so strictly.
In this sense, to listen "not" would then be a sign of growth. It reveals, for example, that we are aware that there are difficult or impossible achievements, and must have patience in many moments of life. And most of all, how much is necessary to deal and endure the frustrations.
"The person who created shows within itself the power to deal with setbacks and thus gain internal mechanisms to resolve conflicts that daily life presents. And all this without nonconformity or despair, without undue anger, without unnecessary fights. Becomes an affordable, tolerant human being, who knows negotiate, whose living is in a quiet way, "considers Vasconcellos.
Who has not developed this ability is likely to become an arrogant and authoritarian person who wants things his/her way, imposing situations to others without putting yourself in their place. "From immature personality, will be seen by others as someone selfish, inflexible, 'owner of the world', always difficult to handle," said Miriam Barros. There will be resistance to obey orders, follow rules, to respect other people's space. And all this will probably be reflected in various areas of life: work, friends and loving relationships.
At the other end of the arrogant, may be someone who doubts the own ability and their potential each time it receives a "no". It is as if he/she 'refuse me it is because I am not fit, better give up, do not know to do it right'. "One way or another, there is a lack of preparation for the frustration and hence the immaturity," says family therapist Marina Vasconcellos.
FOR THOSE WHO DO NOT KNOW LISTEN "NO"
Stop and think before reacting. "The first thing to do to begin to accept not, is to change the way of thinking about the world and people," says Miriam Barros
Understand that not always things will be "your way". "And that suffering is part of life and life takes work," says therapist
Try to respect their peers when they tell you not
Consider why people who live with you call it inflexible, proud and authoritative. "Would not it be better to change their behavior and make more positive adjectives? Qualities appreciated by everyone?" Asks Marina Vasconcellos
Repeat to yourself that the world does not revolve around you. People are not required to serve you at the time you want and the way you want
Finally, believe that accepting the negative is challenging and stimulating for growth. "Certainly, will be leading to a more consistent personal development," concludes Vasconcellos
Source: Uol science and health - Wellness