terça-feira, 6 de outubro de 2015

The Invisible World of Women - Page 4

Increasing the pain, we ask to the doctor help, he needed to rest and I also. We went together to the hospital, the doctor wanted to see him, we talked, and explained what was going on and the doctor gave us a prescription for a sedative ... Crying told you it would not do, I already know the reactions will only leave him more agitated . He replied that he had surgery with the use of that drug. Without more like arguing, after all he was the doctor, we at the pharmacy, buy and went home. As always respecting the schedules waited for the right time to give it, as I predicted, it did not work, and to be honest worsened my situation as it really became more agitated.
I by now powerless, tonight hired someone to help me, because he feared faint, my exhausted body no longer take it anymore. And another night spent awake, I tried to hide, put a pillow under the table and lay down while the girl kept company and talked with him, he asked and called for me. I tearfully leaves which hid hugged him and said, I'm here. I see his eyes now shining when he saw me. The scene repeats itself in my memory.
The dawning day and the pain worse, on this day the pain was in his chest, exactly where was the chemotherapy unit. He screamed, I panicked unable to call the doctor, I ended up getting desperate and he told me to take him to the hospital immediately. I called a taxi, I did not run, he could no longer walk, aggressive, the drug effect, we enter the first aid and took him straight to the ICU, I waited sitting in the garden. Hours after a doctor left the room and told me: we did everything we could, now It in the hands of God . I remember I called my sister and the only thing I could say was, he's dying ...

Hours passed, He began to react, sometimes I got up and went to the door, with the entrances and exits of doctors, looked like a scene from a movie I saw when they tried to resuscitate him with shock.
Eternity knocked on my door at that moment, I did not know the real meaning of that word.
He reacted, but when they came up the machines accompanied him, he just changed his room. Admitted to the Cardiology ICU staying there twenty-something days, it was when his sister, brother in law and my sister came to stay with me.
I did not know what day it was the week, the month, even in a dream, I could throw my body.
The scheduling of the visits were monitored and I felt a great sadness to leave him, and at the same time relief because I no longer bear to our suffering ... Yes, do not doubt literally die together.
One day at the end of our visit, the chief medical officer on duty called me and said You would have to take a decision, would have to choose one of the two procedures, since it would leave no longer there. Tracheostomy or Intubation, the ground disappeared beneath my feet, did not know what to do, I called my sister and my sister in law and I went behind his doctor when I entered the room, he was already waiting for me and knew what was happening, asked us what we had solved ... I was changing, and his sister said, Rosinha who have to decide (that's what she calls me), she is his wife. We can not throw that weight on her back, the doctor said and continued, she did not have to decide anything, but as it is she who most know him here, she'll tell me what was his will. And the image came to me, when we were going to the office, he no longer spoke of being buried in the tomb of my family, with watery eyes, he said, do not let me depending on machines to live and finally, I'm afraid of being buried alive, benhê can I ask you one more thing? Must be expensive, but if I die, do You  crema me? I returned from my memories, and the decision was already made, silk it and wait for the moment in an act of desperation asked, Doctor but God can still make a miracle can not? He said, yes, we do nothing else we can do, but he can do anything.
24 September 2013, I no longer had the strength, stand no longer see it that way, even sedated talked to him, tears falling giving me sure he heard me while I was saying, benhê, our story is not over, and does not end here.
This day went down, took a coffee in the machine and sat on the floor in front of the ready hospital rescue, lit a cigarette and there began my conversation with God, which questioned his love, does he not see the suffering of this child that he loved so much? If saw and loved him for leaving it that way, it was because of me and because of my requests, I was giving up, loudly I said, enough, can lead ...
On the 25th we arrived earlier to visit but did not, already awaited me medical, psychologist, took me to a room and told me the time of death and how it happened. I did not hear a word, just remembered the day before the fact, of our conversation, yes, me and God, I thought, was a monologue, but He heard me ...